We have to trust God for the right friends. We never know what any one will become so we must make friends by faith. The most important thing in any man or woman that will be suitable for marriage is the fear of God. Do not start a close friendship with someone who does not fear God. If you are a child of God and all your intimate friends are unbelievers, your salvation is questionable and you need help. If you do not love God and value the things God values, you will always attract the wrong people as friends.
JOHN 11:5 “Now Jesus loved Martha, and her sister, and Lazarus.”;
I TIMOTHY 5:1,2 “Rebuke not an elder, but intreat him as a father; and the younger men as brethren;The elder women as mothers; the younger as sisters, with all purity.”;
PROVERBS 18:24 “A man that hath friends must shew himself friendly: and there is a friend that sticketh closer than a brother.”
Jesus was very friendly with Martha, Mary and Lazarus. He was so intimate with them that He had to go over to their place when Lazarus died. We should be able to make friends with people of the opposite sex without crossing our boundaries. Self worth is very important in helping us maintain our friendship with people of the opposite sex without messing things up. As believers, we are worth far more than fornication and adultery can afford us. In Church, we should relate with ourselves like blood brothers and sisters in all purity. It is very important that we marry our friends. However, a person does not have to be your friend before you get engaged with him or her. It must also be noted that friendship is needed to sustain the relationship. As such, husbands and wives would fare better as friends. People that cannot stick or stay as friends cannot last in marriage. Agape Love is the Ultimate Kind of Love. It is an unconditional love. It is love without reason.
JOHN 13:23:”Now there was leaning on Jesus’ bosom one of his disciples, whom Jesus loved.”;
PROVERBS 17:17: “A friend loveth at all times, and a brother is born for adversity.”
Jesus loved John. Can you love the brethren with pure love? God arranges certain people to come into our lives to train us. We must always open ourselves up to His dealings. To be qualified for marriage, you must be a friendly person. If you cannot love at all times, you are not a marriage material. To love at all times is to love in season and out of season. You can only love at all times if you have learnt to overlook offences. Offences must surely come. Any man who can raise his hand at all in attempt to beat his wife is a disgrace to the human race. If you have not learnt to take hurts, if you have not learnt to absorb offences and continue friendship; you have no business with marriage.
Offences must surely come and they must not be carried beyond a certain level if marriage must work. Friends love through all kinds of weather, and families stick together in all kinds of trouble.
PROVERBS 27:17: “Iron sharpeneth iron; so a man sharpeneth the countenance of his friend.”;
ECCLESIASTES 4:9: “Two are better than one; because they have a good reward for their labour.”
In order to be friends with people, you must have relational skills. You must be able to hold down conversations with your relational skills. It is too bad if you are shallow. If you are shallow, you have to prep yourself up so that you can relate well. You should not be narrow-minded, widen your horizon and broaden your mind so that you can always hold your own. You can have something against Ananias and Sapphira but give it to them, they were a good couple. They were together to the point of death. It takes iron to sharpen iron. Wood cannot sharpen iron. As such, you need a suitable help, a spouse that can always upgrade you. Two are better than one because they get to sharpen themselves. However, they have to learn to work as a team to really become better. Men are rational beings and women are intuitive beings. They must blend these traits very well for outstanding results. If the differences in the genders are not well managed, there will be serious issues. If you must do well in marriage, you have to learn how to take counsel and who to take counsel from. Don’t take counsel from people who are bad examples in marriage. Beyond emotions, real love is a commitment. When emotion fades, commitment stays. Commitment endures.
Women are intuitive and Men are Rational how do we strike the balance of emotional feelings growing in friendship. Because men & women even with harmonious friendship tend to ask for the next level after friendship
Knowing the basic nature of each gender is very important for a lasting friendship. Many men get close to a lady and expect her to be rational believing his closeness to her is just like any other kind of relationship with his male friends. When the lady start getting ideas, he tends to ask why should she think he is interested in her? He has unknowingly strirred her passions into flame and that can be a serious problem.
So knowing the different natures should caution us to define our limits in any relationship.
It is the flesh that wants to take any relationship to the next level like you said. The bible warns us to flee every appreance of evil. My advice is that when such a urge starts building, its time to pull back before it becomes too late. Always remember that in our society, its the lady that loses.
I also think to cultivate healthy friendship before marriage we as christians need to learn to trust our “circles”(fellow believers) because there’s a tendency for christians to have dual friendships (shallow fellow christian friends and intimate “gentile” friends) because the Christian fellows are myopic in their mindset and sense of judgement.
The reason why some christians have intimate gentile friends is because fellow christian brothers aren’t sincere and accessible to discuss issues,even when available they tend to be too extreme in judgement(because they judge with truth forgetting to judge with truth and love).
there’s also the issue of some brethren having a pompous and “forming class hierarchy” attitude inside the church.
All these are factors that prompt some christians to have a wrong balance with friendships inside the church, thereby they have dual or even multiple personalities because they want to keep up with both standards ( the world and the church)
everything all boils down to us be aware of our background roots and admitting we need to grow out of “strongholds of the mind” and understand both sexes and how they think in their minds
Dear Paul,
I agree with your submissions on relationships but I think brothers that are mature would not ‘form class’ as you observed. Its usually those who have character issues that tend to create that kind of ‘air’ around themselves and it reflects an inferiority complex. Its our collective responsibility to help such persons grow out of that mold.
On the issue of ‘gentile’ friends that is really unfortunateif it is still happening amount church/fellowship members. The bible encourages us to be close to ourselves rather than ‘gentile ‘ friends. But if a person comes to church and he/she does not feel secured either because of personality issues or truth issues, the enemy of our souls will help us with alternatives. Now there are some so called ‘gentile’ friends that are helpful and caring. It is sad that in churches and fellowships that may be lacking. We must therefore strive to build that genuine atmosphere for people to grow in our communities without fear of betrayal. Then we will see less of people keeping ‘gentile’ friends and more of godly friends.
Having a relationship while in school is it right looking at the current trend people feel it’s better you marry someone you know well than the person you meet after school… How can I create the balance..